All I need is...

The enormous land swing on 3.11 changed my perspective for good. Experiencing the horrible quake, seeing the disastrous scenes on TV repeatedly, worried to death about my friends, hearing about and facing the nuke problems... all of that certainly effects everyone's way of life.

Thinking about how I want to live my life is an ineluctable course to take when living such surreal days. Not much have changed in my daily life... still breathing, drinking tap water, cooking and eating, sleeping, working, feeling okay but there's a question in the corner of my head which just keeps asking me what I want for my life.

The conclusion I've got to so far is my favorite people. That's the last thing I want to be taken away. I've looked around in my house and there's nothing I cannot live without as a matter of fact. I could get them again even if I lost them because most of things are available on the market, you know. But my favorite people are not.

I've come to think that they like me and stay friends with me for who I am. And they are the best people I've known. Which means they are the true proof of my life. Money, fame, materials... No. Ultimately, I could live without them. 

I never thought I wouldn't mind losing everything I collected for years spending money I earned. Now I see them just materials to color my daily life. Decoration lying here and there in my house. It's nice to have them when life is peaceful though.

I read this C.S. Lewis' quote a couple of days ago:

If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning.

The experience on 3.11 is an awakening for me to understand the quote above. I was a creature without eyes when I took it for granted to be surrounded by materials. Materials were without meaning then. Now they are with meaning, which is no more important than my favorite people and no need to be obsessed with... 

That said, I keep buying things and spending money on materials. That's how the world I live in works and I don't want to live like an ascetic monk. But knowing what I ultimately need in the ultimate situation helps me stay level-headed and get confidence to deal with materialized world. I wasn't and ain't obsessed with materials in the first place though ;)

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