JAPAN & SELF EXISTENCE

I knew I had to finish a couple of interviews and prepare myself for a coming interview by listening to an album and watching the attached documentary DVD to it. But I just couldn't help myself from reading Mick Karn's autobiography last weekend! I started reading it in the early evening and found myself reading it until dawn! I don't know exactly how long but probably 12 hours or so, non-stop, just indulging in the world he shows in his book almost like seeing an imaginary film. True story has such power to make us relive what the author has experienced and felt...


After reading about what was happening behind the scene, this Kate Bush's song "The Wedding List" at the Prince's Trust in '82 sounds different to me now. There is always a story we never get exposed to unless the dramatis personae reveals it. Like an elegant swan on the lake paddling hard underneath the water... What a tough job to be a professional musician!

From my experience in this business, I'm always glad to work in the background where only certain people know about me, which is the key to live a mundane life, because I've seen and heard the difficult part of being well-known.

I was once married to an artist but eventually could not bear his selfishness and being jealous of everything about me including my life, work, friends and family. It's been about 5 years since we got divorced but still cannot figure out whether it was his nature or me making him so... maybe both after all. Of course, he's got a different story. There's always more than 2 sides to everything. They are all right and they are all wrong, just which side you are on.

One thing, however, is sure, he wanted to be on top of everything and everyone in my life. He once was but gradually and steadily I lost enough air and space to breathe. Reading Mick's story about his relationships in the past reminded me of my failed marriage as well as some of my own relationships in the past. For me, partner's jealousy has been always the main issue that eventually kills my love for him. It's ironic that the more I trust him the more he gets jealous. Perhaps I haven't met love of my life yet ;)

Anyway, only 80 pages left now... I'm feeling a bit sad about getting to the last page of the book soon and back to my daily life. But it was a great opportunity to have a short journey in my past, indeed.

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